I love my kids. Really, I do. Even through some of the most unbelievable, bizarre, and downright funny/horrific things they say and do. It has become increasingly clear to me that all three are, for lack of a better phrase, are socially stunted. Every. Single. One. The two big ones in ways that you simply would not believe. I have hope, or perhaps moments of delusional thinking, that #3 may come out more normal that the two older ones. Yes, I know that I'm probably deluding myself, but hey; it's all I've got. Quite frankly, delusions are what sometimes help me get from point A to point B. As a matter of fact, I embrace that about myself. I think that I'd much rather be delusional than just dysfunctional. It's so much more Mad Max, doncha' think? Anyway, on to my chilrens......
The oldest one, Bless her heart, seems to be just an all around clueless individual. Not only can she not connect the dots, she also has to question why the dots are even there. Then, she will try to figure out what the pattern of the dots represent only to then try to explain to ME the significance of said dots and the relevance of them in regards to the whole universe. You see, she's the smart one who's got the common sense of maybe a 4 year old. (Believe me, that's being generous, too.) You give her an extremely hard equation to figure out, no problem. BUT, if you give her something easy like simple directions on how to do something that a normal person could follow, and what does she do? She practically falls apart. She analyzes every single step, to the point of stupidness. Honestly.
Kid #3, has many of the same attributes as my oldest daughter. He, too, is smart but very, very lacking in the areas of common sense and simple motor skill tasks. Poor kid still cannot ride a bike and he's 10. Well, 10 and a half, actually. He didn't learn to tie his shoes until last year. Even now, he'd prefer to wear velcro shoes if I would only let him. (Truth be told, so would kid #1, probably!) He's one of those kids that's so smart in some areas, yet borderline retarded in others. I kid you not. He says some pretty funny stuff, too, because he takes things so literally. Once, I told him that I had some rat killing to do (southern colloquialism) to which he promptly replied, "Where are we going to set the traps, Mom? You know I want to help!" Bless his little clueless heart. I had to try to explain it to him, which was hard to do, considering I was laughing so hard I was crying. He is a constant reminder to me of just how dumb I was as a kid. He knows things NOW that I didn't know until I was an adult, or until he told me. As a matter of fact, he informed me one day about 2 years ago that the whiskers of a catfish were toxic. I laughed, thinking yeah, right. Only to be informed by my daughter (who's got a B.S. in toxicology, no less) that, "Yes, Mom, he's correct." I will admit, I tried to play that one off, but DAYUM, these kids know more than I do. I'd say that it's pretty obvious they didn't get their smarts from me.
Kid #2 has lots of common sense, thank GOD. He, however; is socially retarded when it comes to social situations with people. He has NO idea how to interact with girls. Case in point, his current girlfriend. She's about 6 years older than him. (Can you say mommy issues?) She seems crazy about him, or just crazy, depending on how you view things. Him? Eh, I think he could take her or leave her, personally. She seems to have made him her personal project. She's totally into him. He, on the other hand, seems to be coasting along, reveling in her desire to make him dress better, take more pride in his appearance, etc. She has NO idea, apparantly, what she's gotten herself into. He's got the social grace of about an 8 year old. Oh yeah, he's dressing better and all, but he's got a long way to go in the growing up department. Case in point, he recently went to an out of state wedding. Took her along. What did he do when they got there, you ask? He dumped her with his sister at the hotel. Not only that, he's was mean to her, too. Sister tore into his ass about his treatment of said girlfriend, her and just women in general Yes, nothing like your sister ripping you a whole new ass-hole in front of your girlfriend, friends and people you've just met. From what I understand, it was a weekend chock full of tears, snot, runny mascara, drama and just all around good times had by all!
Did I mention that I love these kids of mine?
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